Relationships, like diamonds, don’t have to be flawless to be considered high quality, but they should maintain a certain caliber in four specific areas. Let me explain. Relationships that are both healthy & beneficial are intricate, captivating, unbreakable, refined and well protected. However, much like diamonds, high-quality relationships aren’t easy to find and they don’t start off perfect. They take time and effort to develop. Allow me to take you on a journey through the 4 C’s of high-quality relationships.
The 4 C’s of High-Quality Relationships:
- Confidence- In order to have a high-quality relationship with someone else, you first need to have one with yourself. Think about it, if you don’t enjoy being in your own company, why would someone else? However, most people lack the confidence that’s needed to build a healthy relationship with themselves, so if you want to learn how to be confident in yourself….change your focus first. What we focus on becomes our reality, and you have the option to make your reality a positive or negative one. When you focus on your weaknesses what do you think others see when they’re with you? How you see yourself is how others see you as well. That’s why it’s important to focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses. What if you don’t know what your strengths are? That’s a legitimate question and there are short, online assessments that help take the guesswork out for you. Personality Assessments, like DISC, reveal exactly what your biggest strengths are and help you operate in your strength zone daily. When I train Fortune 500 managers on how to be better leaders, I always start with a DISC personality assessment, so they understand which strengths they’re naturally wired with and which blind spots they need to be aware of. Confidence is the first key to high-quality relationships, and on those days when you’re lacking self-esteem, remember a quote from leadership expert John Maxwell, “If you can’t bet on yourself, no one else will either.” Focus on your strengths and others will start to see them as well.
- Connection- Having the ability to build rapport, earn trust & gain respect with someone is a key component to building high-quality relationships. This can be a challenge due to the fact that we’re often trying to connect with someone who is completely different from us. When we approach everyone in the same manner, we actually end up repelling others away without even knowing it. Most people are unaware of how another person prefers to connect. For instance, some people prefer small talk and others are repulsed by it. Some people like connecting in groups and others become silent in a group setting. Knowing how YOU’RE wired helps you build confidence in yourself. Knowing how OTHERS are wired helps you build confidence in connecting with them successfully. Being able to read someone’s connection preference is a talent that you build through taking a Certified DISC Seminar, and once you’re able to connect with someone on their level, the relationship becomes mutually beneficial.
- Communication- Effective communicators are able to present their ideas, motivate people to take action & they generally get better results with people. Much like how people prefer a specific way to connect with you, they also prefer a distinct way to communicate. For instance, some people are fast-paced talkers and some are slow-paced talkers. Match someone’s pace and they’ll automatically like you without even knowing why! DISC, the Model of Human Behavior I use to train manager’s with, can give you even more insight. When you understand how someone prefers to communicate, it changes the way you delegate to each person, the way you praise them and the way you influence them as well. Communication is the key for driving your relationships to success. (Click here to read: “How to Improve Communication Skills by Understanding the 4 Ways We Connect With Others”.)
- Conflict- People that have high-quality relationships know how to deal with difficult people and handle conflict rationally. That’s because they’ve worked at developing higher levels of emotional intelligence. People who have low-quality relationships don’t necessarily lack the rationale needed to handle conflict; they’re simply unaware of the unspoken ways stress arises between two people. Conflict happens when we have unmet expectations. For instance, my husband and I love road trips, however, our idea of a fun road trip is very different. He prefers to chill and listen to music. I prefer to play road games and talk. If we didn’t understand that we’re wired to interact differently we would have non-stop conflict and high levels of stress in our relationship. Knowing how yourself and others are wired to operate is the key to minimizing conflict and building successful relationships.
Comment below on which of the 4 C’s you feel you need to work on the most:
Confidence Connection Communication Conflict
Learn it & Live it:
- To learn more about building successful relationships, get a copy my book, Win With People, where I share 52 keys on how to attract others to you rather than repel them away, how to build rapport with people who are different than you and how to raise your influence and lower your conflict with others.
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