Did you know that 60% of people claim to have a bad experience when communicating with others? Mostly due to not understanding their preferred method of communication. The problem is, we were taught to communicate in our own way since we were kids. Do you remember the ‘Golden Rule’? The Golden Rule states: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Meaning, treat people as YOU prefer to be treated. While that was a great foundation for teaching respect, there’s a missing element to that rule, because we’re not all wired the same. Therefore, how we wish to be treated can be quite different from person to person.
For instance, some people prefer to get all the facts during a conversation and others prefer you get straight to the point. If you and I were talking and I started to drown you with a plethora of details, but all you really wanted were the bullet points, studies show that you would start to feel agitated and impatient with me. Do you think you’re building a successful relationship with someone if they feel stressed out whenever they speak to you? Another example of this would be if you prefer to work alone and your manager constantly has you working in a group. Studies show that you’re most likely to withdraw from the group, and unfortunately, they would miss out on your feedback and great ideas. As a manager, are you getting the most out of your employees if they’re withholding their suggestions on how to improve a project? If you want to get more out of your staff, start by understanding how THEY prefer to work.
In order to bring the most value to your relationships, start by understanding what’s important to each person and apply what they value to each interaction. Meet THEIR needs first. This is completely opposite of the Golden Rule, and that’s why I’m suggesting you replace it with an entirely new rule to live by….
The Honor Rule: “Treat others as THEY prefer to be treated.
When you show someone that you value their preference in the way they interact, you are honoring who they are and how they’re naturally wired to operate and they will respect you more for making that effort.
Start paying attention to how others operate, match their preferred method of communication and watch how it changes your negative interactions into positive ones.
Leadership Speaker | Best Selling Author | Human Behavior Expert
1. Comment below on who you will use ‘The Honor Rule’ with this week. If you want to dive deeper into building deeper connections, improve your communication and develop successful relationships, go get a copy of my tip book, Win With People. where I walk you through 52 Keys to Connect & Communicate Successfully.
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